Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out mid-signature
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize