6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
