there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
