I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
