she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize