I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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