I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
