paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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