Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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