What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
