Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
