I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
