She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
