my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
