At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
