evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I won the penis lottery.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
