$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
