dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
