Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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