So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
