Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
