why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
