New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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