so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
