We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
