I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
