Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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