I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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