love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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