I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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