i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
