nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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