I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
