In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
