So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
