i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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