ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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