my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
