I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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