Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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