when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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