I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
