drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
