Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
