...so i touched it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
