ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize