I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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