if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
