You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
