i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
