i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I could make wine with my vomit
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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