I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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