some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
