You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
