Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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