shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
