remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So vagazzling was a success
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
