Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
