I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
