saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
