I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
