Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
