Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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