i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
soo... how was my night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
