he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
