he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
