i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
