We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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