He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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