I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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