Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
